Cooker #34

Hard on the heels of Cooker #33 comes this. I agonised for many hours but finally fell into the ridiculous trap of calling it ‘Cooker #34’. Huge apologies for my lack of creativity. Erk.

Hang on. I withdraw that awkward sorry-saying. Reviewing the tracks assembled here is giving me a small wobble of suspicion that they offer opportunities for a spot of fleeting enjoyment.

My advice is to listen fleetingly… you know what they say about too much enjoyment.

The Spotify thingy will open if you click on this image… allegedly.

Cooker #33

I’ve been away rather a while. Sorry. Let’s get going again.

An opener from The Sandals full of surf rock sunshine. Oof, those sixties summers… I was there, you know. In the very same 1966 that The Sandals soundtracked ‘The Endless Summer’ I was listening to tune number two here. I watched ‘The Trap’ at the Reigate Majestic just after turning fifteen. A simmering affair of a film in spite of its Canadian cold setting. I still find myself humming Ron Goodwin’s theme music. The main reason for that is that it’s been revived and sustained in my memory ever since 1981 when the BBC used it to underpin their live coverage of one of our iconic sporting festivals. You should recognise it in that context even if you don’t go back as far as Oliver Reed, Rita Tushingham and me. Heck…none of you is as steaming well old as me, are you.

Please don’t miss the inimitable (unless you include Florence Foster Jenkins) Mrs. Miller who is sandwiched between, among others, the lounge-lizardly lovely Jeff Goldblum and a sultry, touched-by-torch-song Grace Jones.

Great to be with you again.

Serious plans to supply another Cooker very soon. But you know how badly I do serious. Let’s see.

Oh… but let’s listen first.

This is not just a picture. This is a picture that’s a magic mouse-click away from something to look at with your ears.

Cooker #32

Bank holiday listening?

I really should confirm that you are completely at liberty to listen to the enclosed offering on a bank holiday or any other day. Some even listen without cooking... that is also perfectly acceptable. 

And while I fully acknowledge that some of you may not in fact be completely at liberty might I take this opportunity to share my hope that you very soon find release from anything which restricts you. 

Click... and the ears get it.

Cooker #31

Looks like I set my alarm and didn’t hear it. Anyway, I’ve had a bit of a ‘lie-in’ and gone right through a couple of months without offering even a predictable Christmas Cracker Cooker.

In my defence, this is a part-time gig with a lousy contract that doesn’t include any remuneration that I have to declare to HMRC.

The music was there, just waiting to come out, of course. And here it is. No guarantees that you’ll listen right to the end… but a click on the pic gives you your Starter For Ten (just realised that really is the number of tracks – yay for serendipity!). Proceed with caution.

But always remember I’m doing this for love not money.

*Note to self: Set up crowdfunding page, draft a few pleading paragraphs and investigate tax havens.

Click on pic... music follows

Cooker #30

#Cookers are now 'thirtysomething'!

Yes, yes, I hear you. It's actually 'thirtynothing'. Please understand that I am at least as pedantic as you and recognised my offence immediately.

Hey... let's lighten up and momentarily distract from our pit of niggardly nit-picking by listening to the assembly of tracks which had to wait until #Cooker 29 was a dim distant memory.

Hmmm. Should we really describe 58 minutes as 'momentary'? Oh dear...

Cooker #29

The jaunty opener for the last of my #Cooker 'Twenties' has a little back story available here. I do hope that won't distract you too much from the main thrust... the music itself.

It's too late, isn't it. I've started something. You're already off surfing and browsing (or whatever verb we are supposed to use now) and finding links to lyrics, previous band members and trivia which is horribly diverting.

Go with it. But do come back for some music... and a little more cooking if you will.

Just one small click here and you can begin to change the world...

Cooker #28

Just back from a rather smashing slightly-less-than-a-fortnight French holiday. You'll have to look elsewhere for further information about that smashingness.

You are here, of course, solely to finger your mouse, tap your touch pad or screen or maybe even massage your mobile and gain access to the latest offering of sounds which scientific research agrees can improve your cooking skills.

So, with a gentle reminder to always be on guard for spurious claims in the culinary world, I leave you to explore number twenty-eight.

Cooker #27

A bit of rough with the smooth in this one. The ‘rough’ being just an awkward way of describing the contrasting, jingly jangly tracks punctuating quite a bit of relatively soft and gentle stuff.

Santo and Johnny round off the whole affair by transporting us to places more Hawaiian than the pizza which should never be ordered (#controversial)

Before we get there, you’ll find twenty minutes of the Orb and the track with which John Peel had a love/hate relationship. He loved it for itself… and resented it because including it would limit the time to play other music on his shows.

You could, of course, simply flip straight to this one after preparing risotto ingredients. By the end of “A Huge Ever Growing Pulsating Brain That Rules from the Centre of the Ultraworld” you have had a stirring countdown to grains which are sticky but still have a bit of bite.

Listen out for a Minnie Ripperton sound-alike!

Click on the playlist above to... erm... play my playlist. 

Cooker #26

Oh, parping poop, I still haven’t booked any tickets for the Erasure tour… but the opener of #Cooker 26 rather demands that it should be done very soon.

I can’t give you any more than fifty minutes of juicy (never from concentrate) goodness to complete this particular playlist but I am of the firm belief that the aural assault on offer will satisfy in the extreme.

Do let me know if I have disappointed in any way… refunds are only available within 28 days of listening!

Cooker #25

Nothing much going on so I thought I'd shove in a new #Cooker to give a particle of pep to our lives.

Mrs Cheoff says there's a general election taking place today but I'm sure we should ignore her delightfully silly asides and give ourselves over to the music. After all, whatever the result, we'll still all be in a hell of a mess tomorrow.

I say, "Let your ear lobes do the listening."

Right... Mrs Cheoff also says I need to check on my understanding of the  physiology of hearing. Be seeing you!

Cooker #24

Wow. we* have reached two dozen #Cookers! Of course, I shall be celebrating a couple of 'baker's dozens' when Number 26 comes around... must seize every opportunity to grab a mathematical pattern.

Maths is what music is all about, isn't it. Well, physics, anyway. No, it's more than that, eh. The intervention of inspired people who find ways to jerk us into responses through clever understanding of wavelengths that work.

But hey, those flibbertigibbets have it easy... just recording a few well-arranged sounds. My task is far more onerous than their simple efforts. I have to agonise for weeks on end as to which tracks I should pass on to you. But please, I insist, don't trouble yourselves for too very long with my plight as I thank you for massaging your eardrums with the enclosed.

* Yes... in case you wondered, my 'we' is very royal. I intend returning to the life of a commoner before next #Cooker time!

Cooker #23

I really have little idea why Theresa May chose to steal my thunder by making her snap election announcement just before this release of Cooker #23. I suppose it must be put down to deliberate spite or her insane jealousy of my extra five years on this planet, which gives me an unassailable lead over her in the fashion stakes.

I leave you to join me in making other malicious inferences until we are corrected by an apology from Downing Street.

While you and I wait for that let's skip back to something more reliable... this here April Cooker.

A father and son Dury duo was bound to appear eventually. Here it is among some not very oft-listened to musicians. Don't put Courteeners in that category. They are here at the request of a former pupil. Thank you for your good taste in music, Kerri... I'm sure I would have discovered them in time.

A demanding track winds up proceedings. How do we enjoy the loveliest of love songs when we know the pain of the person who wrote it?

I'll drag myself back to less complicated things by sending a reminder to our PM to hasten that apology.

Thank you once again for your ears. And do please remember... look both ways before you listen.